brambles

I don't know why, but I am only able to write on this when I'm home. I suppose it's because I relate the two together - I started writing here so I may as well finish writing here. Not that I will finish. Can blogs be finished? They're not like poems or short fiction (which are never really finished either, just published). Anyway(s).

If you didn't figure it out, I'm home. In Baltimore! It's rather nice. I don't remember the last time I saw consecutive hours of sunshine. It's not cold but it is windy, which isn't pleasant.

Things I haven't been missing:

• The house. This is in utter shambles. Still.
• My room. It's small and now filled with plants. Ferns, trees and a cactus garden.
• Narrow and busy streets at all hours. Having to drive everywhere.
• Having dishes to wash.
• Darlene sending me on random errands.
• Being alone during the day.

Things I have been missing:

• My new(ish) bed. It's soft and has wheels which I can't explain.
• Bastet and Sheba the kittens. Even though they may have flees. I don't want to know, really.
• As much as I hate being out on the streets, I do appreciate the light and noise. It's constant and puts me to sleep.
• Making my own food. Sandwiches, potatoes with cheese, chipped beef gravy. Down-home stuff.
• My crazy ass friends, all of whom are inappropriate in every way and rude.
• Darlene, even though she is equally as insane. It's amazing how much more you love your mother after you graduate from high school.

I am missing other things. Like you and him and them. To say much more would be bitter but omission is betrayal and god forbid there was much more of that.

To bed? Probably not. I guess I'll continue reading Stephen King's Cell. That's the kind of person I am these days. A Stephen King person, whatever that means.

there is no leaving new york

If today was an sign of the summer to come, I'm a bit concerned.

I woke up at 9:00 in the morning to take my dog for a walk. I couldn't go back to sleep so I showered and then proceeded to put my pajamas back on and watch television. I found myself hungry around 1:00, walked my dog again, and then (in my pajamas) went to Taco Bell for breakfast. Which I ate in a McDonalds parking lot. The family came home around 3:00, where they found my sorry ass playing drums on Rockband. I played all night, through 35 of 58 songs of a solo tour, and then came up here to bed.

Instead of sleeping, I decided to check facebook and then do a bit of writing. Thus far, all I've managed to write is "I will not give in" about 900 times.

On another note, my birthday is in two days. For the past couple of years, I have had shitty birthday weeks due to relationship problems. I refuse to let this happen. If this means convincing myself I'm not in a relationship, then so be it. Which sounds more horrible than it is...but I don't care. I'm desperate.

Isn't it horrible how you always imagine your birthday being so much better than it is? You imagine surprise parties and friends popping out behind your couch when you get home from work. You imagine finding your lover naked in your bed full of rose petals. (Too much? Maybe.) Damndamndamn. I will not get my hopes up!

I. Will. Not. Give. In!

i don't know what i can save you from

Things I dislike:

1. Driving.
2. Living 30 minutes away from civilization.
3. Flash floods.
4. Dial-up internet.
5. Sleeping in a cold room.
6. Being completely alone for an entire weekend.
7. Watching and scoring 8 soccer games in a row.
8. Playing guitar.
9. Not being able to sleep until 4 a.m and then sleeping in until 2 p.m the next day.
10. Everything long-distance.

Things I like:

1. People who are never content. (Aka: the emotional ones.)
2. Fuzzy and stolen hotel blankets...on my bed.
3. Hon Fest weekend.
4. Green Tiffany lamps.
5. The blue heron hanging out on our pier.
6. Salami sand mayo sandwiches.
7. Looking forward to travel plans.
8. Rehearsals every night, all night.
9. Large bottles of White Zin.
10. Peanut butter on apples.

We All End In The Ocean

Things to do in the days up-coming:

1. Hunt for more great music.
2. Go grocery shopping for fruit and juice.
3. Finish cleaning out the guest room. Make the futon.
4. Put away books and sweaters.
5. Prepare my mom's room for post-surgery recuperation.
6. Take and pass driver's test.
7. Get directions to the airport to pick up John.
8. Go downtown, my dad's, D.C., the mall and the park.
9. Sleep less.
10. See friends.